


The thoughts in the words

by OracleOfTheEnd



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone excpets Quentin is only mentioned, F/M, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Spoilers up to 3x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 09:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18313187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OracleOfTheEnd/pseuds/OracleOfTheEnd
Summary: Quentin isn't very good with words. Especially when it's with a person he really likes.A look at a few situations throughout seasons 1 to 3 and what Quentin might have thought.





	The thoughts in the words

**Author's Note:**

> This has been lying around in my drafts for forever. Might just as well throw it out there :)

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _My god, you’re beautiful_ ‘ when he sees Eliot for the first time. Even though it’s the thing that immediately comes to his mind. He knows it’s a weird and creepy first thing to say to someone. That’s at least what his anxiety- ridden brain tells him. Besides, he is pretty sure he is dreaming. Only later when he got to know Eliot a little better he thinks he probably would have liked it. But Quentin doesn’t say it. Instead he just stammers something when Eliot asks about his name. He thinks he might tell Eliot later but he never does.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _Why didn’t you do that sooner?_ ‘ when Eliot offers to seduce him out of his impending magicless existence. First off because the threat that looms over him is too real, too all-encompassing. And then because he thinks his panic might make it come out more accusatory than he means it. So he just smiles and says ‚That would be nice, thanks‘ and it sounds much less sincere than he hoped it would.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _But you are supposed to be mine_ ‘ when Eliot introduces him to Mike. Because Eliot is happier than Quentin has ever seen him, even without Margo‘s constant presence at his side. And there are these new feelings for Alice blooming in his chest. So he doesn’t say it and just follows Alice, because what he wants from her is easy, even though talking to her is not.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I’m sorry, tell me how to help you_ ‘ when Eliot kills Mike. He is busy with the threat of Penny dying and the way Alice leaves the room whenever he comes close. And then it’s Fillory and the Beast he has to worry about. The way they are all going to die. So he doesn’t say anything and just watches Eliot fall apart.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _That is what I was dreaming of_ ‘ the morning after he sleeps with Eliot and Margo. Because really, it wasn’t. In his dreams, there was no Margo and no heartbreak on Alice’s face that makes the wonderful feeling of last night turn into something nasty and ugly. So instead he tells them that they ruined his life and his eyes never leave Eliot. He knows it’s the wrong thing to say with everything Eliot’s going through at the moment and he isn’t really angry with any of them. But it is easier throwing those words in their faces than admitting that he doesn’t feel guilty about the right things.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _Stop this wedding_ ‘ even though his treacherous heart wants him to. And he thinks maybe Eliot wants it too. He can’t imagine having to marry someone that he doesn’t and cannot love. But still there is the Beast to worry about and Alice. He doesn’t say it, even though he should, because part of him feels it is his fault for agreeing to the knife maker in the first place. For being so conceited that the thought he might not be the High King didn’t even cross his mind. It all gets much worse when in the end, they don’t even use the knife.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I’ll stay with you_ ‘, when he finds Eliot in the armoury. He knows it’s impossible and it would be cruel to promise something he can‘t keep. But that doesn’t make the weight in his guts any lighter or the look of resignation in Eliot’s eyes any easier to bear. And frankly, he is terrified that Eliot might be right. That Quentin will return to a corpse so long dead that nothing but dust remains. So he jumps at the opportunity to hug him, presses him close and hopes it’s not the last time.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I won’t let you get hurt_ ‘ when the niffin that used to be his girlfriend advances on Eliot and Margo. He cannot possibly say it when he himself feels like he is going to die from the bleeding wound that is his heart. So instead he says ‚Quentin says go free‘, because even though killing Alice might be the worst thing he has ever done, at least he doesn’t have to loose two people he loves that day.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I wonder if he misses me_ ‘ to himself late at night after spending another day doing nothing at the office. His mind is an awful maelstrom of grieve and regret. And also the tiniest bit of relief. Because even if he failed Alice, he at least saved Eliot. And that makes him feel worse. So he keeps the words trapped behind his teeth and follows Emily to her apartment. He never says anything about Eliot to her either, and tries his hardest to make sure her spell makes her look like Alice. And that is a whole different level of torture. Maybe he deserves it.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _No, not you, too_ ‘ when Eliot jumps in front of him to save his life. He doesn’t, because somewhere deep down he knows it’s not really Eliot even as Penny says the same. Still there is this feeling of helplessness and despair as he looks into those dead eyes. And finally they have to drag him off because he seems to have forgotten how to walk. It’s very much the same later, back in Fillory, standing by Eliot’s bedside. Still not able to do anything. I can’t even bear to look. So he leaves. Because maybe, if he can help Julia and Alice, he can somehow fix this, too.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I could hate you right now_ ‘, while he watches Eliot prepare for his wedding. He feels it though, the nasty jealous feeling in his heart. Because once again it’s not him, it’s someone else and he’s sure he is all out of chances with Eliot now. And he hates Eliot, and he hates Idri. And he knows it’s unfair, because he never said anything and he probably never will. He thinks somehow Eliot should know, but he doesn’t because there is still Alice on Quentin’s mind even now, maybe she will always be there, but so is Eliot. It’s confusing and it hurts, so he is only to happy to leave Fillory in search for Josh.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I missed you so much_ ‘ when Eliot appears in the Cottage with his wife and daughter in tow. For a moment, he just stares at him, like a dying man in the desert might stare at on oasis. Like he cannot quite believe what is right in front of him. When magic died, the terrified part of his brain was sure he would never see Eliot again, a thought so terrible that he is only now allowing himself to think it. Now that he’s here, in front of him. He doesn’t think much after that, just crosses the room and presses Eliot close, like he never wants to let go again.

Quentin doesn’t say ‚ _I love you_ ‘ when they celebrate their first anniversary at the mosaic. They are alone here, really alone for the first time since they met. Just them and their impossible task. Still he cannot say the words that he wanted to for so long. But Eliot looks beautiful in the torch light. Quentin thinks back to the first time he thought exactly the same thing, how never said anything. And that somehow makes him bolder. So he says ‚Hey‘ and kisses Eliot. It’s not perfect and not what he wanted, but somehow he knows that Eliot understands.


End file.
